Ferguson, Forgiveness, & Why It’s Okay To Say F$#K You (Sometimes)

I’m in the audience of pessimists that are disheartened by what’s transpired over the past few years in America’s urban metropolises. Since the social uprising that was spawned by the murder of Mike Brown, slow progress is being made. Yet that’s not good enough for some. People who have become front-line “unofficial” leaders in the #blacklivesmatter movement are now targets and being attacked; not only from outsiders and racists conservatives, but from within. Like crabs in a barrel, we’ve begun to turn our anger, frustration, and disappointment on each other. What’s also become problematic is the idea that forgiveness is often expected, and in some cases demanded, from us as the oppressed. Many people are tired of watching victims of state-sanctioned violence cower for the sake of being portrayed in a certain light. After the incident in McKinney, I thought to myself how I couldn’t see being the bigger person if a family member was murdered senselessly. I’m comfortable at least right now in saying “I hope you burn in hell!”

So, it surprised me a little that the mother of Mike Brown, Lesley McSpadden, did a candid interview saying that she could never forgive the man who killed her son. We haven’t seen that type of candor from a mother. After what happened and what is still going on to this very day in that neighborhood and throughout the country, is it even fair to think forgiveness is deserved by any single cop or the system that allows this to continue?

I’ve had my own issues with both forgiveness as well being the recipient of the gift. Read more over on Good Men Project.

Forgiveness Isn’t A Manly Thing To Do

Against my better judgement, I decided to watch The Best Man Holiday. I remember when it came out, tons of people on my FB feed were giving away spoilers that implicated someone dies at the end. But dayum! I wasn’t prepared for eye condensation.

Every man has been Lance Sullivan at one point in his life. Maybe not to the extent of having to deal a homeboy sleeping with your girl, but we get Lance. What I found interesting about The Best Man Holiday is that 10 years later, Lance still hasn’t let that resentment go. He has the picture-perfect life. He and Mia overcame that storm. However, his one weakness is his inability to forgive.

Sometimes it takes a devastating loss to remind you of how you need to have all of your loose ends in life tied up.  It’s hard to have small talk and be cordial to someone that hurt your feelings; especially if it’s a romantic relationship. It take a lot of energy to act like you hate the person who hurt you. But that’s really all it is – an act. Read more about the reasons why men are slow to forgive.