I had no idea what was going to happen when I embarked on this journey of total submission. All I knew is mentally I was hoping to take a large leap forward. I was having doubts in a few areas and I wanted to set new standards for the people that were in and would come in my life. When I’d heard the message on that Sunday, it was a necessary instruction to stop and chill.
So that’s what I’ve been doing. Today, is the 30th day.
Yesterday, I woke up feeling “off”. I couldn’t explain why and couldn’t even convey the feeling into words. Physically, I didn’t feel the best either. I’d had a rough boxing session with a client that literally kicked my ass.
It took a few hours for me to key in on what was up. I’m writing this on my way to Cali, taking a few days for a well-needed vacation. Going through this last month, I noticed how even the smallest decisions can change your life so drastically. And sometimes you have to catch up mentally to where God leads you spiritually.
Just because you don’t have any goals doesn’t mean you stop working.
I know it sounds strange to say but I haven’t thought about setting any goals for 2017. A friend laughed at me when I said I don’t really have any goals for the new year. For me, I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot for myself in 2016. I bought a house. I started a new job. I got a few articles published in major places. I have two regular writing gigs. I’m pretty active with my church. I dated more. I’m back in therapy. That’s a long list to someone like me. The only thing I don’t have right now is a romantic relationship. I can’t control that but it’s a work in progress.
I know there’s a lot more living for me to do. The best thing out of this past month is learning that we all have to believe that we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be right now. You have what you need. I think it’s important to keep working at every level where you are. Doors will open when they’re supposed to – not a moment too soon or too late.
Decide what’s a distraction and what’s a connection
One of the reasons why people go through life angry, bitter, or wearing a facade is that we don’t talk to each other anymore. We take pride in cutting people off. We laugh about ignoring texts and deleting people out of our lives as if they never existed. That shit is corny to me now. I value communication done with consideration for another person’s feelings.
The other thing is some people come into your life and you want to make them permanent. Because that’s not what God intends, everything is drama involving them. Then others come along and they break all of the rules. Something feels natural about being in their presence. It’s transforming. Those are the type of connections that are to be cherished.
Be proud of the connections you build with people. Leave a lasting impression. Be someone worth remembering. And if you are a distraction in someone’s life, at least try to leave them in better condition than how you found them.
The process is where you find the right and the real ones.
The tears. The sleepless nights. The frustration. The self-doubt. No one wants to endure the ugly stuff. Nobody really cares about a struggle story unless there’s a prosperous, happy ending. The process doesn’t matter. However, the process is crucial because that’s where love is found – love for self, love for God, and love for one another.
Through these 30 days and going towards the final stretch, I’m in a different place in terms of my faith. I have the type of discipline to seriously dedicate daily time for Him. I see the difference it’s made. I’m sensitive to certain things that I never paid attention to before. I’m more aware of when things don’t feel right within me and around me. I know how to withdraw from situations that aren’t good for me. Never feel guilty for protecting your spiritual safety because it’s just as vulnerable as your mind and body.
Going through this, I’ve also gained a new respect for the long-suffering women have. Men give up on things so easily. We throw in the towel when things require more effort than we’re willing to give. But I think women are persistent because they see the other side. They have respect for the process.
As you go through a journey of pause (whether it’s 40 days, a year, or several years), God will bend, break, and build you back up for greater wins.