Random Ramblings

The Year It Took To Rebuild My Confidence

Normally when I go somewhere or experience something new, I try to do an accompanying photo post to recap it. I’m not one of those people who takes tons of pictures of everything or constantly posts on social media. However, this most recent vacation last week was a little different in terms of how the planning went.

I’ve never been to San Francisco so I had no idea how massive the Bay area actually is. Over the summer, I knew I’d be in Cali towards the end of the year anyway so I started looking at reasonably priced flights to North Cali in the summer. Apparently, flying to the Bay area is expensive as hell!

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The flight wind up costing $215. Given the results I’d found, that was cheap as it gets.

Initially, I’d planned to spend most of the daytime outdoors. But the weather was like “YOU THOUGHT”. The positive thing is that I had time to reflect about this last year.

What I’ve noticed as time goes on is that we’re all dealing with the same types of things. We learn how to get through and get over by not being scared to be ask for support.

Men need to know it’s okay to struggle with sex and coping mechanisms and suicidal thoughts and therapy. It’s okay to question God and wonder if we deserve love after we mess up over and over. We need to get real about the range of emotions that make us human. But we also need to have conversations about accountability and learn how to own up to our BS then pick up the pieces and work through it.

I hit a point where my self-esteem was low. Some days I wasn’t sure how I’d ever get back to feeling “normal” again. Well, I can say it’s taken a year.

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#40Days – The Home Stretch

I had no idea what was going to happen when I embarked on this journey of total submission. All I knew is mentally I was hoping to take a large leap forward. I was having doubts in a few areas and I wanted to set new standards for the people that were  in and would come in my life. When I’d heard the message on that Sunday, it was a necessary instruction to stop and chill.

So that’s what I’ve been doing. Today, is the 30th day.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling “off”. I couldn’t explain why and couldn’t even convey the feeling into words. Physically, I didn’t feel the best either. I’d had a rough boxing session with a client that literally kicked my ass.

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It took a few hours for me to key in on what was up. I’m writing this on my way to Cali, taking a few days for a well-needed vacation. Going through this last month, I noticed how even the smallest decisions can change your life so drastically. And sometimes you have to catch up mentally to where God leads you spiritually.

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The Post About Nothing And Everything

When I sit down to write for the internet to consume – whether it’s 1 reader or 500 – I’m deliberate with word choice and execution. However, today is one of those days where I need to let my heart speak. I have things that I’ve been wanting to share but have been waiting for the right moment or rather, the proper post do so.

I’ve grown a decent readership in the past few years so by all means if you’re expecting eloquence, you might want to ignore this 1 and head over to Medium for my latest piece.

So I’m currently embarking on a 40 day fast where I’m spiritually cleansing my life. It started after my pastor delivered a message where he spoke about reaching the point where you feel like you can’t take it anymore. If you’re interested in checking it out, you can watch it here. (Fast fwd to about the 15:00 mark)

There are parts of my life in need of a hard reset and purging. I don’t want to wait until the new year. I don’t plan on doing a recap or one of those “year of review” style posts so here it goes.

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Getting Through When You Feel Like Giving Up

About a month ago, I found myself in a bit of funk. Things weren’t necessarily going badly but emotionally, I wasn’t feeling great. Instead of doing what I normally do, I threw myself into fun experiences. I spent money on a few projects in the crib and went on a few spontaneous dates. I thought if I kept myself busy, I wouldn’t have time to be alone with my thoughts. However, the more preoccupied I was, the more jumbled my mind became.

One thing I’ve always maintained is that I don’t like to be a burden to people. When I start to feel this way, it’s just easier to keep things to myself. I wrote about this a few days ago on Medium – which to my surprise, a lot of people can relate to.

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Two weeks ago, after a date, I spent the night over the young lady’s house. Before this, we hadn’t talked for maybe a week. So after settling on the couch to watch Netflix, she flat out asked what my deal was. I didn’t know how to coherently say what was going on in my head because I didn’t fully understand most of the time. More importantly though, I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want to be analyzed. I didn’t want her to think differently about me.

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Spoiler Alert: Following Your Passion Will Feel Like Work

Yesterday, after two straight weekends in Philly and New York where I ate terribly and drank a little too much, I got off work early for the first time in months. Thanks to a Monday Night Football game, a few clients canceled their sessions. I left work around 3:00 and went home to decompress from the weekend. It felt great to catch up on sleep, do some cleaning, and just chill.

With a new workload and a new writing gig, my free time is more infrequent. I expected that and made necessary adjustments to make it work. But I’m in the period of realizing that managing the blessing of more money and more responsibility is tougher than I could have imagined. In fact, it’s become more apparent that we’ve been lied to about what it actually means to follow your passion.

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Post Revisited: You Actually Do Need To Teach Someone How To Love (You)

Twitter is a fascinating place. And by fascinating, I mean, it’s a platform where you see a lot of crazy opinions that you didn’t know existed. I log on almost everyday to a slew of opinions that throw me for a loop.

This week, it was an interview in which of LaLa Anthony said the following:.

It’s not rare to meet a guy that you are head-over-heels for, but he’s lacking the affection or compassion that you may need. He may think that showing you that he loves you means buying you a pair of shoes, when you may just want more alone time, surprises that require a bit more thoughtfulness or a hand-written note that makes you smile every so often. Communication is key.

At face value, there’s nothing wrong with what she said. Yet her comments sparked a Twitter debate in which some women took the stance of “aww hellllll nah, I ain’t teaching no man how to love me. He should just know.”

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Be Your Woman’s Biggest Fan

 

When a man has a dream, a woman wants to do whatever is within her means to help make that dream come true. The problem is being a helpmate is usually to her detriment.

Single people argue talk a lot about potential. There aren’t a bunch of Barack Obamas and Stephen Currys walking around in the black community. That’s mathematically impossible. There is an abundance of Michelles and Ayeshas though. These people–celebrities that we hold as standards in terms of relationship desirability–seem to represent the extremes of potential. Obama is a double Ivy League graduate. Steph is the son of a professional athlete and he effortlessly shoots 3s from luxury boxes. They’re not accurate examples yet people cling to them as a way to measure potential in men.

To me, it makes more sense to look at the distance between point A to point Z. If you meet a man that you’re interested in enough to date, find out where is he on that spectrum. Point J, P, T? Has he even started? That’s a tangible way to estimate the likelihood of him even coming close to the dream he’s trying to sell you.

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