It’s been a long time that I’ve written about my sex life in great detail. The reason for that is there wasn’t much to tell. However, this year I’ve been struggling with my celibacy.
Around my birthday, a woman offered to cook dinner for me. It seemed innocuous enough but I still had reservations about it. The truth was I didn’t trust myself around women. It had become increasingly more difficult to not be overrun with sexual thoughts. My heart and mind were in one place but my body wanted to respond the way a human body naturally responds to pleasurable stimuli. Not only was it a conflict of emotions, it was a conflict spiritually.
I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be celibate. I gradually made the decision to stop viewing sex as an automatic expectation in a relationship, though. I also decided to stop using sex as an escape.
This week’s edition was kind of introspective, which aligned perfectly with a personal check-in before I allowed depression to creep in any further.
1. How do you feel about your appearance?
Right now, I know I’m slacking off. I have a blood clot that’s slowing me down from working out. I’m on a strict training schedule to be in the best shape I can be for the Tough Mudder I signed up to do. It’s hard to feel positive about my physical appearance because I can’t go hard as I want. Excuses are over though.
2. Are you currently doing anything to improve your self-image (i.e., exercise, therapy, weight change, new lover, cosmetic surgery)? What? I recently decided to take a break from therapy. I don’t think therapy is meant to be long-term. Its role is to give you the tools you need to function without it. I’m thinking about getting some ink this summer and growing my beard out completely. The motivation to trim and tone is reaching an all-time high. Might even try a fast or go back to cutting out sweets.
3. Do you have any rules that must be adhered to either before sexual action takes place or during sex? Being celibate is a rule in and of itself.
4. Are you satisfied with your significant other’s appearance? If not what would you improve? I don’t have a significant other right now but this a question that’s indicative of maturity. I’m not trying to be with someone that I want to change at this point in my life. I don’t want a project and I’m not trying to be treated as one. If she wants to change something about herself, cool. Anything after that isn’t going to influence my love or attraction to her.
5. What makes you feel sexy? Air-drying.
It’s entertaining to watch a 22 minute episode on HGtv of a person looking at homes. It gives you a snap shot of the decisions that go into such a huge commitment. I also like watching it because sometimes, you can compare the markets in different cities without having to comb over Google searches. By the end of the episode, the person arrives at an offer that turns out well for them and their future. If only it were that easy in real life.
These days, I find myself having a different list of things that matter as I look in the home search. Because of that, I’ve encountered certain conflicts I wasn’t prepared for. The market as a whole does a poor job of educating us 99 percenters about the process of actually buying a house. So here’s a few things that might help you when you embark on your own.
Summer is a time for BBQs, road trips, and perfecting selfie stick techniques. Athletes are no different. During the summer months, most professional athletes return to their hometown for quality time with family and friends. Others use the break to enjoy their acquired wealth and travel the world, doing things they’ve dreamed of doing.
Social media has allowed an unprecedented level of access to the sports world in relation to life from the athlete’s perspective. Last week, Forbes ran an insightful article in which this trend was detailed. What’s remarkable about the intersection of sports and social media is that it’s being used to enhance an already-thriving fan experience. For example, a photo was posted on Twitter of Lebron James and Kevin Love meeting in a cabana. That photo, shared by a fan, unwittingly confirmed what Love would state himself on The Players’ Tribune a few days later.
While social media can bring out vitriol and keyboard courage from the critics, here are some athletes who I see that are wisely utilizing social media to build their brand.
At the top of the year, I put together a list of sites I wanted to feature my writing. Next up, is a site called The Good Men Project. This is the guest post I’m most proud of (so far, anyway) because it’s opened the door for me to be a regular contributor with a popular site.
I decided to make my first submission be about something close to my heart. I’ve briefly mentioned my mother’s battle with cancer. Things took a turn a few weeks ago when she went for a 2nd opinion. We were told her best shot for treatment to be effective is a double mastectomy. It’s taken a toll to watch her go through this. So I wanted to share insight about the shock, especially if you’re a man, of dealing with a parent who has an advanced illness like cancer.
Read 5 Things No One Tells You When Your Mother Has Cancer
I’ve never read a book that made my allergies flare up.
We lost a true pioneer in Stuart Scott earlier this year. What wasn’t widely known is that prior to his passing, he’d been in the hospital for 75 days. He explains the multiple surgeries he underwent in that span. He goes into great depth about how knew his life was coming to an end because mentally, he was tired. Stu spends nearly 300 pages talking about the life lessons cancer forces you to learn quickly.
Stuart Scott pictured with Barack Obama after getting #buckets
Through this captivating memoir, Stuart Scott injects his personality on the pages. I went back and forth between the hardcover and the audio version (note: an actor, not Stuart himself, narrates the book). I swear it felt like you could turn on ESPN and still see him. This is a book that’ll resonate with readers of all backgrounds. How he articulates the perspective of a person fighting cancer is honest and necessary. I recommend this as a mandatory read! So here are a handful of gems that I took from my experience reading it
No man can escape the impact of a break up. It’s scientifically proven that men feel the effects of break ups deeper and for a longer time than women do. The wave of emotions is all at once; like an equally powerful aftershock of an earthquake. On the other side, women make peace with it. They tightly pack away old feelings and memories, return to the dating pool with optimism. They’re the lucky ones.
Funny because it’s true Photo Credit: Evrness
For men, “getting over it” is belabored. There are stages that we meander through that mirror the stages of grief somewhat. When you think about a relationship’s end, you are grieving. It’s the death of a love you hoped would last a long time. And then it’s gone. Speaking from my perspective, there are 5 things that are making it tough to free my mind and heart.