At my age and the point I am in my life, things either are or they aren’t. I very seldom am a dweller of the “gray” area in relationships because I hate dealing with the unknown. When it comes to matters of the heart, logic is the strongest antagonist. But if you expect to become a victor (or to meet a mutually beneficial truce), there are certain contradictory approaches that you have to acknowledge are damaging to the dueling strategies.
Conceding Without Negotiating
1 of my greatest frustrations when it comes to any interpersonal relationship is when someone comes to the table knowing exactly what they want yet not willing to assert that desire. The art of negotiation is not for the meek or naivete. Finding the balance between fighting for what’s important to your greater good and fighting because you don’t want to lose is an internal David vs. Goliath. In most instances, you can amicably meet in the middle and get some of what you want without giving up all your leverage. The trick is in the delivery.
Waving the White Flag of Apathy
The more a person says they don’t care is clearly indicative of how much they actually care. It’s a defense mechanism that I practice myself so I know exactly how it works. If you tell yourself enough times, you hope that your mind will align with the actions you demonstrate. The hardest part is when you truly care, intent is hard to feign. Even the most stoic of men have a hard time putting their actions in line without a tinge of #whohurtyou.
Not Knowing When To Fold
Sometimes the root of our unhappiness is the inability to say “it’s over”. People do come in your life for a season and very few are meant to stay for a lifetime. But you also have to be mindful that the situations we put ourselves in are just as temporary.
Asking Questions You’re Not Prepared To Answer
In romantic relationships specifically, there are certain trigger questions where when posed, nothing good can come of it. Things like “where is this going?”, “why haven’t you called me all week?”, “who is Keiona?”, we all know the usual suspects. Here’s the thing; full disclosure works both ways. You can’t expect to be privy to the ins and outs of every aspect your interest’s life, yet not share yours. Should you volunteer information? Never. Although not only is it unfair, but it’s incredibly selfish to hide secrets or information that could effect the direction of the relationship.
Either say it wit’cha chest or STFU
Passive-aggressive behavior is extremely difficult to reason with because those kind of people can’t see past their nose. Arguing with them is futile and will cause you to turn crimson with rage. But they will slander you relentlessly from the rafters. With the invention of Twitter and FB, passive aggression is an every day observation. Instead of addressing their grievances with the offender who follows them/friends them, they make vague, ambiguous statements. The statements are positively received from everybody except the person who they’re directed at.
Passive aggressive people are like ugly people. Everybody knows what they are but them. Their denial of their behavior is often masked by insecurity or aloofness. I find that your dating life will become so much easier and entertaining when you deal in absolute terms and allow your actions to reflect them. Don’t waste your time because you’re scared of rejection.