No man can escape the impact of a break up. It’s scientifically proven that men feel the effects of break ups deeper and for a longer time than women do. The wave of emotions is all at once; like an equally powerful aftershock of an earthquake. On the other side, women make peace with it. They tightly pack away old feelings and memories, return to the dating pool with optimism. They’re the lucky ones.
For men, “getting over it” is belabored. There are stages that we meander through that mirror the stages of grief somewhat. When you think about a relationship’s end, you are grieving. It’s the death of a love you hoped would last a long time. And then it’s gone. Speaking from my perspective, there are 5 things that are making it tough to free my mind and heart.
Music isn’t the same anymore
I LOVE music! I incorporate music into many posts on this very site. When we first started talking more regularly, she came up with a game. We’d name an artist, the album, and the number of a track on that album that reminded us of the other. I put her on to this artist, Allen Stone. And she loves him. She put me on to this artist Mali. Now, I can’t listen to either; at least not the same as I once did. Half the music in my ipod gets skipped. Really dope songs too!
My writing is going to change, DRASTICALLY
So many of my better posts came out of conversations had in the relationship. I even wrote a post about my ideal woman before I met her. For the first time ever, I shared insight and future thoughts about a relationship I was currently in. When you’re dating a writer (or any creative type really), you become a muse.
Thems the rules. Although now it’s hard to write about love. Honestly, it feels a little uncomfortable writing with her as the focus today. I’ve gone back and forth on whether I want to shut this site down. Time will tell.
You’re forced to take a break
When men are in their 20s, they don’t take the time to heal. They brush themselves off and dive head first into something new. Literally. When you’re older, heartbreak freaking hurts; especially when you’re the cause of it. You mentally and emotionally have to take a break from the opposite sex. In this video, the guy talks about how isolation is counter-productive. Being alone with your thoughts will drive you insane. I attest to this. However, there is a period of time where you need the space alone to answer the burning question “what do I do now?”.
You have to un-train yourself from thinking of them
Reading was a top personal goal of 2015. Yet I’m procrastinating on starting Stuart Scott’s book because it’s a remnant. When someone is so ingrained in your daily life, untangling those threads take a while. Forces of habit – such as sending funny memes or late night texts or random “miss you/thinking of you/I love you”s – become inappropriate and awkward. Then one day it stops altogether. Once that finality settles in, you constantly and consciously have to put thoughts of them in the recesses of your mind. Otherwise, you’ll never move on.
You have no one to worry about but yourself
Because I had younger siblings and a bunch of younger cousins, I’m very protective. It’s natural to worry about your significant other. Not in an obsessive way, but most times, it’s without you even realizing. It’s a genuine concern. Even though men won’t admit it, we like when yall worry about us too. When that responsibility is gone, you have only yourself to worry about. During self-analysis, you notice things you need to work on or change altogether.
I have no idea what stage I’m in right now. One thing she said to me was that every new day is one day away from the pain. It’s hard enough that it’s taken me over 700 words to convey a universal process, but she had a point. The only upside in break ups when you’re more mature is that, no matter what transpired, you want your former to be happy.