There’s a saying that combines Murphy’s Law with divine intervention. Things sometimes have to fall apart on order to come back together. I never really understood how that made sense until I experienced it.
Part of how I’ve been able to come through tumultuous times in the past 2 years is through my writing. I’ve written about a near-death experience, the shocking death of my cousin, and even moving. Things got so dark and clouded in my mind that I thought I’d never be quite the same man I was. But then, my life started to shift back towards the light. Work started going very well. My health got better. And earlier this summer, the opportunity to come home was the confirmation I’d been waiting for.
Instead of diving face-first into new fruit a few years ago, I distanced myself from the source of my disappointment; both mentally and geographically. I was introduced to Houston after my sister went there to study orthodontics. When she passed, I still felt that pull to be there. I moved to Houston without knowing anyone or knowing much about the city. I’ve also liked living in new cities on my own. The blessing of a being a bachelor with no kids, I guess. In these 2 years, I’ve been able to find my faith again. As most phases in life, though, my time there is up.
I’m a subscriber to life’s deepest pains are meant to educate and empower you. Much of the things that I experienced in Houston, I did so on my own. I mean, my family support system is dope and I met a spiritual mentor who has become a reliable friend. But when I sat on my 12th floor balcony so many nights, it was just me, my thoughts, and God. The lessons I learned in the short time while I was in Houston have been life changing. They’ve helped me find my way back.
Sometimes the situations we complain about are the catalysts for well-needed adjustments. This year, I came to see that happiness isn’t attached to accomplishments or fracturing your own glass ceilings. It doesn’t come by winning or beating an external oppressor. It’s definitely not fleeting. Happiness is about self-acceptance. It’s a choice to stop giving a fuck about what you think you should be doing or where you think should be in life. Happiness is about making choices every day that will allow you to go to bed at night with peace. If happiness is to be attributed to anything, it’s the satisfaction of knowing that regardless of what happens to you in the span of 24 hours, you’re going to be okay.
For a short time, I lost sight of what “I’m doing me” really means. It’s not a selfish, narcissistic deflector. It’s a reminder that nobody will look out for you better than you. Whatever choices you make, you commit to the rewards or the consequences. If people have a problem with you doing you for the advancement of you, they’re selfish. You do yourself and your future a disservice by being guilted into feeling bad about doing you.
I used to feel that way. I don’t know why that left. But I’m glad it’s back. Your life coming full circle is all about getting back on the main road of your purposeful journey. Me moving to Houston was a necessary detour. I forged relationships with people I needed to and started a career that I probably never would’ve had if I had stayed in NY 2.5 years ago. When your life circles back around to that familiar place, the only way it’ll really make the bullshit worth it is if you’ve become a different person.