“Nice Guys”, “Thugs”, & Why Neither Really Wins

Among the redundancy of relationships topics is this opinion that nice guys lose, thugs win, and a woman’s taste is based solely on superficial factors. Some recent events made these arguments re-surface and after a discussion with my boys, it hit me why so many people are full of sh*t.

Since the horrific shooting at UCSB, (white) male entitlement has come up more often than it normally does. The man who committed the murders, Elliott Rodger, was your textbook sociopath. In his own manifesto, he stated “If women continue to have rights [to choose who to mate with], they will only hinder the advancement of the human race by breeding with degenerate men and creating stupid, degenerate offspring.” I haven’t read the 141 page document. But the gist I got from the media is Rodger suffered from the classic “I have this, that, and the third, how could she not want me?” syndrome.

Then last week, Ernest Baker wrote a long essay about interracial dating for Gawker. I’m going to go out on a limb and say this was purely something rile people up. And it worked.

In his article, “The Reality of Dating White Women When You’re Black”, the one thing he said that jumped out at me was this:

I’ve never gone out of my way to reject black women; I just have way higher success rates with white women. I went to a black high school and I wasn’t on any of that thug shit and I’m not saying all black women want thugs, but at my high school, a lot of them did and they didn’t really care about me.

I can respect a person’s experience. But when that experience appears to be laced with subjective nonsense, then its authenticity is lost with me. First of all, what is “thug sh*t”? Is that dressing a certain way? Is it an aesthetic look? Is it about where a person is from? Baker gives no context to what that means to him. Given Gawker’s predominant audience, I’m sure a very specific image is conjured up. That’s flat out irresponsible writing; even if it is a narrative.

Secondly, to compare the interests of a high school girl to a grown woman is disingenuous. My physical tastes have changed a few times as I’ve matured. Hell, my taste at 30 was different than my taste now. He never said what his luck with black women was/is like as an adult. Nevertheless, it just seemed weird that he let high school paint his entire dating experience with women.

In general, nice guys aren’t out here being heartlessly rejected. Thugs aren’t out here snatching up all the good girls. The reality is women don’t want lame, weak, socially awkward dudes. They don’t want beta males who can be easily manipulated and outright punked by other men (and sometimes women). Women use the label “nice guy” as a euphemism for wack; a guy they would never sleep with, let alone date. People have to stop walking around like life is some romantic comedy. The nerdy guy who’s into comic books and drives a dusty Honda isn’t going to get the woman who could double as a Bond girl. The thug who has a rap sheet the length of Kevin Durant’s wingspan isn’t going to get a Michelle Obama.

With the interracial dating aspect, it’s getting old to see black men separate themselves from black women by saying “they just want thugs”. By using that as a justification to date white women, you’re making the same assumptions that you want others to not make about you when they see you with your white girlfriend or wife. Not only are you implying that white woman don’t date thugs, but you’re implying that black women actively seek out toxic, borderline dangerous relationships. And for that, I absolutely call BULLSH*T!

It’s sad that men don’t give women enough credit for having their own set of preferences and standards. We put so much emphasis on the things we obtain that we treat women like they’re objects to win. And when they can’t be won, those excuses fly. I honestly think this whole nice guys vs. thugs discussion can be remedied by staying in your lane. There’s someone for everybody. If you aren’t well-rounded enough to get the woman you want, why not spend your focus pursuing the women who want to be pursued by guys like you?

As much as I wish this myth could go away, I know that it won’t. At any rate, the next time you see some guy whining about how nice guys keep losing and how he can’t get a good woman, silently say a prayer because that’s a bullet you’re dodging.

What does “nice guy” mean to you? 








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