In the real world, a man’s kryptonite is being in love. Love is that one area in our lives in which we’re weak more than we’re strong. Many of our actions in relationships are born out of the need to impress or satisfy a woman. But we also carry the load of protecting the woman we gave our hearts to. We put a great deal of pressure on ourselves to maintain an impenetrable coat of armor. Although, behind that stoicism is the realness that no man can take the look of disappointment or hurt in a woman’s eyes.
Not if he has a soul.
Here’s the thing though – women seldom consider that emotional security is a 2 way street. Much of the intangibles that a man needs from his woman is going to go unsaid simply because not much is expected from women on that front. But trust me, men notice. We may not speak on it, but certain areas of unfulfillment can hurt. Here are just a few situations in which women can cause the man in their lives to retreat or create a disconnect.
Complaining when he’s showing honest effort
Some guys aren’t romantic types. So if a man remembers that you like lillies instead of roses, don’t complain because he only sent you 6 instead of a dozen. Maybe he’s not the best cook in the world. But if he took a day off from the gym to attempt a recipe you mentioned you wanted to try, at least let him know that it meant something to you for him to remember at all.
Not being a creep for him
Women have no qualms about openly lusting over guys like David Beckham, Idris Elba, and any other attractive celebrity. Hell, ya’ll even lust over guys on Instagram. But why is it so difficult to outwardly compliment your man? Not those superficial “babe you look nice today” or “my man is so handsome” comments either. You know how it turns you on for your man to look at you and licks his lips like you’re a piece of Popeye’s chicken? NEWS FLASH! We want and need to know that you find just as desirable.
Reminding him of what he’s not
So you used to date D1 prospects. That guy that’s supposedly like your brother
that you had relations with at some point is a successful engineer. I don’t think women ever do this intentionally, but they often tell stories about their exes highlighting the positives about them that obviously don’t fit their current boyfriend. That’s not to say that she feels like she downgraded or wants her man to feel inadequate. However, if your man is still in the process of progressing, it doesn’t help his ego to know he’s not where he should be based on past men in your life.
Not letting him express himself on his terms
Men aren’t talkers. In relationships, we particularly try to avoid confrontation because we prefer peace and quiet. But when we’re passionate about something, we can go on for hours. Disagreements and arguments are a part of romantic relationships. Because women spend so much time outside of the house being silenced and demeaned, they can come across unnecessarily combative with their man. When things are calm, a man’s silence is read as he’s up to something or being apathetic. As a woman, you can’t force meaningful conversation out of your man.
The success of your relationship is largely dependent on knowing your man’s love language. I’ve mentioned the 5 Love Languages previously and how important it is to the foundation. The male ego is fragile. That doesn’t infer it needs to be stroked constantly. Protecting a man’s heart the way he does yours begins with you understanding that beyond that facade, he’s capable of being hurt by you.
Fellas, what other ways can be women be unintentionally hurtful in relationships? What’s the best way to discuss how she fix it?