Dating In Your 30s Comes With Disclaimers

I got married young, so I guess you can call me a “late bloomer”. After spending my formidable years with one person, I essentially had to cram my “aint sh!t”ness into a small window before reaching 30. I probably cracked a few hearts and bruised some egos in the process. I especially had to heal an old wound myself. Like some marriage-minded adults, despite my early mistake, I wanted to try the married life again. But not for the right or typical reasons. I wanted a family. I still do. However, I knew that I didn’t want to be someone’s “baby daddy”. So I had it in my mind that I’d find a woman I could tolerate and we’d figure it out.

God routinely laughs at our plans.

This year, I’ll be turning 35. Majority of my close friends are either married or in committed relationships. Some of them have children. I’m become the odd guy out. In general, how I view dating and relationships has changed rather rapidly. Dating doesn’t necessarily get easier as you get older. It does, however, become more solution-based. When something isn’t working, you want to troubleshoot and solve it. You’re not so in lust love that you let feelings blind you to the person’s bullsh!t. Being on this side of 30, your tolerance levels drop significantly. Not only does the internal dialogue change, but conversations I’ve had within relationships changed once I hit my 30s.

It’s funny to me that people can grow up but still be immature as hell in matters of the heart. Even before you get into a relationship, there are some disclaimers you need to address and things to put into practice in your dating life.

To alleviate the sleepless nights and chugging top-shelf liquor, you learn not to meet every person with the pressure of them being a life mate. You’re really just concerned with the instant gratification that companionship brings. At 30 though, you have to treat your dating life like executive-level interviews. You’re not just looking for someone who’s “okay” or “dateable” or “tolerable”. You look at prospects with a keen eye. Entering into your 30s brings a level of seriousness to your dating life that requires consistent honesty on your part. It’s impossible to find the right one to settle down without knowing the expectations you have for the rest of your own life.


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