“Breaks” In Relationships Can Be Good, But Are Mostly Bad

Just as I was reading up on the Dwyane Wade/bonus baby situation, TMZ has released the news of rapper/actor Ludacris also conceiving a child while on a break from his med school dropout girlfriend.

"I was just f*ckin them girls, I was gon' get right back"

“I was just f*ckin them girls, I was gon’ get right back”

I’m not here for judgement. And I don’t like writing about celebrities and their personal lives, because – well, I couldn’t care less. However, I understand the language of “let’s take a break.”

When a man truly wants nothing to do with you, he’s out. Case closed. But when he wants a break, it comes in the form of two requests: he wants to [re]establish some order in his life to make you fit or he wants to see if he still has “it”.

The former reasoning makes sense. When a man loves you – when he respects you – he wants to position himself to be the type of guy he knows you deserve. Believe it or not, men care about the image they project in terms of maintaining a happy home with the perfect wife and easy life.  We can’t always predict when life’s circumstances will shake up the foundation of our manhood. While some men may not fold under the pressure, we definitely don’t want our women to see signs of weakness. So whether it’s financial issues, frustration with a career path, or dealing with family, it’s easy for men to push a relationship to the side. It’s not because we think the relationship is expendable. It’s more about the fact we all make the conscious choice to be in a relationship. And when it gets to be too much, it’s the one thing we can decide to step back from. I can say honestly, when clarity is the motive for a break, it can be beneficial for the two of you.

Now, the latter? In the case of male celebrities, they’ll always have “it” because women are attracted to money and status. The rest of us regular guys get to a place where the women we fell in love doesn’t make us feel anymore. While we are creatures of habit, the routine of relationships can get old for the guy who used to be on the scene. He settled down because he got older. He got to that point where finding the right 1 was the logical next step. Yet his mind can’t stop thinking about all the options out there. So in this instance, a guy is basically saying “I’m bored, but I love you. Let me go test the waters. Not you though. You stay put.”


No guy anticipates or plans to get another woman pregnant while they’re on a break. It’s sex ed 101 to know that if you’re having sex, a woman can get pregnant. I don’t think D-Wade nor Ludacris were necessarily shocked to find out they got the “side chick” pregnant. The bigger deal (and perhaps win) is that they didn’t bring home anything itchy to their main girl.

What I can’t respect though is people using a break as means to validate being unfaithful. If your desire was that strong to sleep with someone else within a matter of days or weeks, that desire isn’t going to fade once your relationship comes back together. So just save yourself the time of lying and decide what’s more important to you. Nobody should be a part of the collateral damage created by the need to fuel your ego. Love and pride can’t co-exist. And ask man who genuinely loves his girl, would he be so forgiving if she had sex during a break?

That being said, should breaks have clear ground rules? Are breaks just the nice way of ending a relationship? Have you ever asked/been asked to take a break in your relationship?



  1. “Let’s take a break can be the a**hole’s way of trying to weasel out of being liable for “swimming in other oceans”. But then, there are those times when a (wo)man has to see if it’s worth being around.

    Exhibit A: Donnell Jones’s “Where I Wanna Be”

    Exhibit B:

    1. Listening to that song as an experienced adult makes you realize how ain’t shit he was lol

      Like Dr. J put in his post on SBM today, somebody has to be the bad guy. Breaks just seem like a quiet exit

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