Getting into a monogamous relationship is a big deal for men. Not only is it taking us off the market to be hunters, we’re settling into a space of having to communicate our emotions. A man falls in love and so begins the internal battle of what to share, when to share it, and how far to let the sharing go.
Your willingness to be yourself is predicated on a woman making you feel comfortable in doing so. The respect that you have for her allows you to love her with no rhyme or reason. When a man romantically loves a woman, the struggle to explain why is overwhelming. I mean, we can name the characteristics we love about her and the things that make her better than the rest. But a concrete answer to “why do you love her?” is a little harder to articulate. I think the reason for that is when a man truly loves a woman, we realize the vulnerable state we put ourselves in to need that love back. To men, vulnerability isn’t a natural, rational feeling. So explaining the irrational is nearly impossible.
I think women don’t give enough credit to a man’s vulnerability. A man has to completely respect you to let you into the recesses of his heart that probably only his mother and sisters know. For some men, we assume the role of masculinity far ahead of when we’re emotionally ready for the responsibility of it. So then, we enter into romantic relationships and our go-to is “I got it” even when we have no idea what we’re doing. It’s hard asking for help when we’re supposed to know how to run the show. Because we lack the comfort levels to need someone else, we don’t know how to illustrate it without coming off soft or corny.
So much is lost in translation when we’d rather talk at each other instead of talking to and with each other. I read it all the time – men are supposed to do this and supposed to know how to do that. No matter how smart you are, we’re all still evolving in this love thing.
It’s a scary thing to admit out loud, but the man you love needs you. The love of a great woman will take a man to places he didn’t realize he was capable of going. Having the support of a great woman is what keeps families strong and marriages resilient. The uphill battle women face is to quiet the lizard brain that keeps our walls up. So where does that leave us?
What Can I Do For You?: Relationship articles always focus on how men can make a woman’s life easier. Most posts are written by women directed at men on how we can keep them happy. Is a man less entitled to be tended to? If you have a man – a GOOD man – ask him once in a blue what you can do to make his day better. Sometimes it’s a tasteful nude at 2:00pm, sometimes it’s letting him play his Xbox in peace, maybe have the ice waiting for him after the gym. If you know your man, you should be able to meet his needs without him readily acknowledging that the needs even exist.
Let Him Figure It Out: Being taught the art of stoicism, most men don’t talk about when things aren’t going our way. Whether it’s work, money issues, whatever, things happen in our lives and we really don’t want to talk about it. One of the bigger discrepancies in how men and women deal with problems is the approach. For women, there’s always some type of resolve. For men, we’re comfortable with accepting “it is what it is”. Because sometimes that really is the solution. Believe it or not, you can fully support your man by leaving him alone.
A Touch Works Every Now & Then: Swimming in your woman’s love below is magic; on a good night, euphoric. Single people think that cuddling is a waste of time unless it leads to naked humping. People in relationships aren’t out here having sex 5 times a week. They are, however, re-establishing their intimacy every day through physical touch. A man isn’t going to outright say that that’s a need. But great hugs from someone you love are pretty damn dope.
Good men desire to be in good relationships with good women. Once a man has made that commitment to you, there’s no doubt in his mind on how he feels about you. While you 2 have your own set of expectations within the relationship, don’t neglect the fact that emotional stability is just as much a woman’s commitment to her man as it is a man to his woman.
Any other suggestions on how women can broach the subject of their partner’s needs? Are men’s needs simpler than women’s?