#30in30 Day 26: Saying “No” Can Make Life Easier

1 of the great disservices we can do to ourselves as individuals is to prioritize incorrectly. In a professional setting, we often stay later, come in earlier, and take on responsibilities that are outside of the scope of our position. If you’re in pursuit of the corner office, you become a doormat and a whipping boy/girl for coworkers and superiors in the name of “staying humble”. Because climbing the ladder is the ultimate goal, you say yes to the things that your mind is screaming eff this to. Eventually the answer of yes transforms into a burdensome chore with you getting very little reward out of it.

With respect to relationships, people overstay in dead situations for a litany of reasons. We’ve all been in that 1 relationship where we ignorantly decided to waste time and efforts on someone who didn’t care. Saying yes in a relationship that you want out of will expose the reasons of why you should be saying no. Your persistent state of unhappiness and restlessness changes your aura and it may even change you. Feeling guilty about saying no to someone you used to love will lead to resentment. Then you wake up 1 day and everything that person does and says irritates the hell out of you. Anger is what happens when you realize that denial doesn’t work anymore. The longer you stay in a relationship that you don’t truly want to be in, the farther away you’ll drift from being aware of makes you happy.

I seldom give advice unless what I’m saying is what I’d do in the same situation. When you encounter a relationship that you don’t feel like you’re being elevated or using your full potential, it’s imperative to decide to be selfish. Being selfish has such a negative connotation. However, selfishness can sometimes preserve sanity. With work, enjoying the freedom to be selfish is a privilege. You have to be strategic about your decisions. So as strenuous as that can be, a relationship should be the easiest thing in your life. If you’re getting more grief and stress from your relationship than is normal, being selfish is your right.

I was speaking to my mentor earlier this morning and he said something that’s been on repeat in my head.

When you cannot see your hurt as it is, you cannot heal. The healing process requires you to detach from the very thing that’s the source. So you either stay with the weeds and become 1 or you uproot yourself to find more fertile ground.

Entering a new year in my life, I took note of the relationships in which I need to exercise saying “no” more often. Stepping outside of my perspective, I’m more aware that what I’m putting in isn’t coming back with interest. I’ve asked God to let me know if I’m where I’m supposed to be. Even though the answer was a little hard to hear, I’m looking forward to having my freedom back.


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