Last week, I caught this article How do you know it’s love? over on Paul Brunson’s website. A few months ago, I came across another article 10 Things That Love Is. Both of the lists are made up of a relatively objective feelings or gestures to look for. But nobody ever addresses the journey between the starting line (actually being in a committed, monogamous relationship) and the altar. We often treat the middle as a “we’ll figure it out as we go”. When the fact is what you do in the middle ultimately defines the longevity of your union.
I linked up with a good associate of mine that I hadn’t seen in a while. He just got married and was recently promoted. At his celebration, he actually said in a toast that “we spent 3 years in training. And now I’m so glad I have a partner like [name redacted] to run this race with me…” I thought about his choice of words; “in training”. He was in essence saying while he and his now-wife were in the relationship phase, they were still feeling each other out. Now that they’re married, the real them will now begin to flourish and grow.
Guys are succinct when it comes to being able to know Mrs. Right when we’re dealing with her. Why is it so easy for us? Because our love is simple. I’ve said before that a man’s love for a woman is rooted in respect and trust. Every thing else that makes us love 1 woman and not another stems from those 2 things.
So what are some things on a man’s “check list”?
1) Can she cook my favorite meal? Merely cooking isn’t enough. The ability to cook his favorite meal is something that’ll put you in a league where your only competition is his mother. That’s good company to be in.
2) Can I ask you to check a private account for me? 1 of the things on Paul’s list was if your person lets you answer their phone. I personally have never had a woman other than my mom and sister answer my phone. I keep my phone locked most of the time. But a man that’s not hesitant giving his private information is putting a great deal of stock that you wouldn’t do him dirty.
3) Can I leave you in my house alone? This goes along with #2. A man’s house is his sanctuary. Only 3 women in my entire dating life have been in the place where I pay bills. Many guys aren’t quick to have women in their house that they don’t really like “like that”. So leaving a woman in the crib solo? While she’s awake? Yeah, at that point, ya’ll are in that overlapping gray area of friends and we go together.
4) Can I watch the game in peace and quiet? Women don’t understand how golden it is to be able to watch the game in silence or with the fellas. The really great women that understand this usually grew up with a father in the household or they themselves love sports. Regardless of the reason, a woman who understands how precious game time is to her man will be able to keep that man for years to come.
5) Are we in a judgement-free zone? I thrive on being able to tell my girl anything. No matter what’s going on in my life, I want her to be the 1st person I can talk to. A man letting down his emotional guard is 1 of those things that comes in due time. Vulnerability isn’t a fear when we’re dealing with the 1. There’s strong faith in her not judging or using information as weapons in the future. Being able to tell a woman anything only reinforces the fact that you’re really a team.
6) Am I better with you? In a recent post, I explained how a man has to look at the big picture of his life in terms of whether to fight or flee a rocky relationship. Having the right woman by your side will always encourage you to be better. Even the most successful man is constantly thinking of that next move that will give his woman the security she needs. Whatever his flaws are, he wants to at least attempt to improve upon them. The woman that’s the 1 for us is the 1 we want to be the absolute best version of ourselves for.
7) Do you complement or complicate my life? For the average guy, maybe he just likes his space. Maybe he’s extremely spoiled and is used to being catered to. Maybe he’s a “social architect” and has to be front and center at the city’s hottest events. Whatever his lifestyle is, the 1 is someone who understands and can fit into his life as-is. I’ll use the example of a professional athlete; most women would kill for the life of a ball player’s wife. They spend their 20s chasing the elite players. But that type of life is very strenuous. It requires a high level of patience, dedication, and unwielding faith. Realistically, not many women could survive a year in an athlete’s wife’s’ shoes. Guys across the board just want a woman that’ll make his life easier while he’s out making money.
8) Do we look good together? Image is important and nobody wants to be with someone who’s unanimously unattractive. There’s also some occasions where 2 extremely attractive people just don’t look right. Aesthetically speaking, there needs to be a balance. Guys often talk amongst ourselves when 1 of our friends gets a main girlfriend; we judge their compatibility based on physically “is she a good look for him”?. It’s not always as specific as height or body type, but a man’s propensity to be superficial is no different than a woman’s.
What other ways do men separate the 1 from the rest of their prospects? Does it take men just as long to identify the 1 as it does for women?