It’s no secret that the relationship/dating niche of the blogosphere is dominated by women ranging from 21-40 years old. Discernibly the comment sections are populated with women from various backgrounds. Women from Ghana and the Phillipines to the picturesque streets of suburban DC e-meet daily to engage in what they consider is healthy discourse about the inner workings of relationships.
About 3 months ago, renowned matchmaker Paul C. Brunson held a twitter chat to promote his new book, It’s Complicated. The stream was basically an open forum for guys across the country to talk about what guys talks about; women and the misconceptions they have about us. Now at the top of the hour, Brunson specifically asked the ladies to not chime in until we were done. For the most part, the ladies obliged. But they were salivating at the chance to pounce, ridicule, and over-analyze the tweets in the hash tag. There were even some pseudo-feminists and panty-panderers who had their own opinions about the questions Brunson asked and some of the responses that were given. It touched a deep enough nerve that a post over on Clutch Magazine surfaced in which the author took issue with the fact that the women were asked to fall out until the conversation was over. The only thing I agreed with in her article is the concluding statement “But the only real way to have a strong relationship is to mutually define it with your current partner.”
On Monday, a question was posed on the SBM FB page that tends to be a very polarizing topic in black relationships exclusively – Fellas: Is a woman’s ability to cook still of importance for marriage? The admins have since deactivated the wall so I can’t comment on what the feedback was. However, from tweets, this was clearly another ocassion where women were meant to be just spectators yet they couldn’t help but to over-talk us.
There’s a clear pattern here that’s neither productive nor functional. Women feel like since they’ve fought for inclusion in every aspect of society so they have to fight their way into virtual conversations that are designated for men only too. I see it happen all the time on popular blogs — an author will write something that, for all intents and purposes, men of a similar type agree with. Yet women will deflect and internalize the post. I’ve even go so far as to see the author be personally attacked. Women want to be heard, I get it. However, they also need to know when their opinions/thoughts on a subject are not needed.
I’ve said it constantly; you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say you want to understand how a man’s mind works and how we act on said thoughts, but then proceed to tell us what we should do and how we should think.
In the grand scheme of things, I think it’s silly for women to get so up in arms about the opinions of men whom they’ll never meet or even care to date. There’s too many other stressors in every day life for you to be worked up over something that doesn’t apply to you.
Is there a “right” way to approach dialogue between men and women? Do women in general just not listen to the words that come out of a man’s mouth regarding his feelings?