5 Things My Mother Taught Me About Women

Raised in an interracial household, I was often confused by my father’s traditional southern methodology. For example, my Dominican mother has always been submissive and demure. Yet my father raised me and my brothers to want strong women who had backbones. By the time I hit high school, I realized my father was ass backwards and really had no idea what to teach me about women. That’s the thing about men. We’re great at teaching our sons what not to do to get on any woman’s bad side. But it’s often our mothers that instill in us universal truths that transcend all types of relationships.

1) They expect you to lie, but don’t ever become too good at it:  As men, we still don’t have the concept of lying down to a science. Physiological changes are obvious and women have evolved to notice them like a CSI would notice a speck of blood in a door jam. As good as women are at lie detecting, we still have the propensity to deliver lies of presidential proportions. Some lies women will let you get away with. Faking a cough because you don’t want to go to her nosy co-worker’s birthday party is passable. Telling her you were at Brandon’s house when you were really making it rain like 2Chainz at the club will get you a week on the couch. My mother’s lesson for this was if it’s not a lie you’d let her get away with, don’t think you’ll get away with it.

2) “We need to talk” means only mean 1 of 2 things: It doesn’t matter what tone or context she uses it in. When any women hits you with those 4 dreaded words, you’re either in trouble or you need to shut up and listen so she can talk. Sometimes women don’t need nor do they expect a man to solve whatever problems or issues they have. If she needs to talk to you as a means to emotionally release, accept that and do not offer up any advice unless it’s solicited. If you’re in trouble, make sure she’s clear on what you did wrong. And even if you don’t agree with her, acknowledge her POV and respond accordingly with maturity.

3) They judge you by your zodiac sign: Supposedly awhile ago, Kim Zolciak-Bierrman went to a psychic, who told her that she’d have a son somewhere down the line. And low and behold, she did! Not that I watch Real Housewives of anything. Women are notorious for proclaiming “oh you’re a Gemini, you’re crazy” or “you’re a Pisces, you’re too sensitive”. A woman will write off a guy simply because he’s not her astrological kindred spirit. My mom is a Libra, my father was a Leo. I don’t know how compatible those 2 signs are, but they made it through some significantly tough times. My mom is Catholic, so she’s always told me zodiac signs are self-fulfilling prophecies. Be your own person always.

4) They expect you to be fiscally responsible: I learned to be good with money at a very young age. When I was 5, my dad started teaching me and my brother how to count based on monetary denominations. However it was my mom who taught me the value of a dollar. When a woman says they want security, 60% of that lies solely in money; how you spend, how you save, and how you invest. You can tell alot about a guy based on what he spends his money on. The funny thing is women expect us to spend all on our money on them in our 20s and then they expect us to save and become frugal in our 30s. The key to being fiscally responsible (not cheap, that’s definitely not the same thing) is to always act like you’re living check to check. If you don’t need it or can’t immediately pay for it at the counter, don’t buy it.

5) Sometimes they really do just want to be held: Women are an exciting enigma. Mainly because you can’t generalize them. In the same way that you have women willing to have s*x with you after 2 for $20 at Applebee’s, there’s women who will make you until day 91 to get the real sampler. I think sex is the great equalizer in relationships, though. Once you’ve had it a few times with the same woman and you know her likes/dislikes, it becomes secondary in the relationship. You don’t have to pursue that goal anymore. So somewhere in that, you’re able to connect with her on other levels that are equally intimate. I used to think it was awkward watching my parents cuddle and watch a movie or a Giants game. Now it’s something that I look forward to doing. I’m not a cuddler at all. But don’t we all just want a warm body next to us without anything extra?

In light of Mother’s Day coming up, are there any lessons your mom taught you about women? 

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