Losing weight, read more books, no more
dark liquor alcohol, blah blah blah. We’ve heard it all before. It’s cliche to set goals for a new year that you haven’t even been working towards since December 1st. The area of everyone’s lives that tend to be harder to navigate through or create goals for is relationships.
For the past 2 years, there’s been so much negativity and brow-beating by the media and bloggers about the do’s/dont’s of dating and mating. Topics like prenuptial agreements, interracial dating, cheating, and divorce lead the way of the unsuccessful discourse in the black commune. I’ve said it over on my Examiner page; people find their way into unhappy relationships or the unfulfilled single life because they listen to everyone else, except the person they look at every day.
Back in November, matchmaker/relationship advisor Paul Carrick Brunson issued an interesting challenge for the new year. He basically said for women to try 10 different dates with 10 different guys before Jan 1st, 2012. Of course tons of women hashtagged they were down for the challenge and they’d meet that goal. But I call B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
Living to someone else’s standard makes you a hamster on a wheel. Rather than putting yourself under so much pressure by sticking relationship activity on a numerical scale, try to make specific relationship resolutions. Here are a few to get your started
1) Stop telling yourself you have a “type”: God only made 1 Idris Elba. Beyonce’s had her last name changed. David Beckham is already taken. We all envision what our prince or princess charming should be. We want them to be physically superior to the rest, intellectually advanced, and have a sense of humor to boot. But it’s the laws of business; supply and demand. Ladies, every woman wants your type. And in 75% of the cases the guy that is your type certainly isn’t checking for you. I’m not saying you have to date outside your race or date someone that’s beneath you in every way imaginable. But you have to wake up and realize that your type is in high demand with very little supply. (and that’s for any race)
2) Listen to your friends a little less: I don’t know why so many grown adults care about pleasing their friends. It boggles my mind that someone will date (or pass up) a person they really like with the concept of “what will my friends think?” NEWSFLASH: if your friends are single, wouldn’t it be common sense to know that they want you to stay single too? I won’t go so far as to say misery loves company, because there are some people who are happily single and don’t throw salt. Yet the fact of the matter is our friends, especially those who have known us for a substantial amount of time, can be very selfish. While they may have your best interest at heart, don’t judge prospects or make 1st date impressions based on what they think.
3) Do things you’ve never done: This can be applied to other aspects of your life, but in dating particularly, you have to expand your search geographically as well. Some people have the very bad habit of never leaving their own backyard. I have family in the Bronx that think coming to Jersey is travelling. Really? -_- By no means do you have to travel to get your groove on, but if you want to meet somebody that’s different than what you’re used to, crossing a few state lines is not a bad idea. And if that’s not feasible, expose yourself to something other than Applebee’s Happy Hour and Ladies free b4 12.
4) Be fearless: We’ve all been hurt, lied to, and probably even cheated on. That’s the risk you take in putting your heart out there. I’m 1 of those sappy romantics that believe there’s someone for everyone. I mean, even fat chicks get love. Being scared of the unknown could rob you of something amazing in the future. Of course you should have your guard up and pay attention to obvious red flags. But stop going into romantic situations expecting them to fail.
The last year has taught me in a pretty dramatic way that the things you want, you have to plan for them and put that plan into action. It’s not enough to simply say “I want a good man or woman”. You have to really think about where you can meet that man or woman and how you’ll proceed to build something special. Before any of that happens though, you have make it up in your mind that you’re ready to embark on that journey.