The NFL Probationary Report (1st Semester)

Just as surprised as we are to see the Bills and 49ers having a winning season, we’re equally as surprised to see a few good seeds turn bad (pun intended).

The following are on probation, in danger of being considered MAJOR busts, this season.

Yeahhhh, this won't happen in 2011

1) Chris Johnson: Where do I f(_)©kin begin with this guy??? If this were actual college, CJ would be that idiot who proves you can maintain a 1.0 gpa. All he does is show up and attempt to look like he’s playing ball. He looks slower and completely disinterested in re-introducing himself to the end zone. For a guy that runs a 4.2 in the 40, he’s clearly getting statistically dusted by a few no name RBs. Despite his 308 yards rushing with no touchdown yet, the Titans are holding onto a 4-3 record. The sad thing is not only is he a fantasy bust, but he shows no evidence of improvement for the remainder of a season. I’m not fantasy expert, but if you own CJ0K, it’s time to cut your ties.

2) The Colts: So remember when I said that Aaron Rodgers is the Packers’ Peyton Manning? Well the Colts’ playing thus far is a peek into what Green Bay would look like if they lost their QB stud. I don’t think any team has ever shown where their heart, leadership, and winning attitude comes from than the 2011 Colts. I knew when they offered Kerry Collins a $4 million 1 year deal that they weren’t going to win more than 3 games. But I didn’t expect them to be this bad! They’re ranking towards the bottom in passing and rushing yardage. Much like Buffalo though, the Colts’ Ivy League QB is fairing as one would expect, given the lack of chemistry with his WRs. Pierre Garcon and Reggie Wayne are combined for just 51% of receptions. To put it plainly, the Colts just need to chalk this season up to an L and pray that Manning stays off the field to fully heal.

3) The Falcons: Mainly Julio Jones! I know, I know. The Falcons are tied in the Afc-South at 4-3. However when they picked up Julio Jones in the draft, it was anticipated that they’d be an offensive weapon. Matt Ryan has been sacked 18 times. Ummm clearly he’s not what Falcons fans talk him up to be. RB Michael Turner has bore the brunt of the offensive works, ranking 7th in the league with 621 yards and 6  TDs (5th in the league).  Although, Julio Jones has yet to make a TD, the Falcons are keeping a 2nd place spot with future HoF TE Tony Gonzalez! His numbers are down from last season, but it’s inspiring to see a 35 yr old outshining a rookie.

What'chu mean "I'm being benched...again?"

4) Donovan McNabb: Will this guy go ahead and retire already??!! It’s like watching an old dude in the club wearing his Easter suit. McNabb claimed 2 weeks ago that he was surprised that he’d been replaced by rookie Christian Ponder. Dude, seriously? In week 1, he put up an astounding 37 passing yards. In Ponder’s 1st start, he completed 65% of his attempts and threw a TD. That was a big improvement from his 41% against that beasty Green Bay defense. While I could give .5 ounce of a f(_)ck about the Vikings, I’m curious to see how much Ponder will continue to grow. And also how McNabb will slowly watch himself dissipate into the QB abyss.

5) The Commissioner: If we have to suffer through 1 more MNF snooze fest, I’m gonna be forced to go watch somebody get RKO’d. Teams with losing records should not be allowed the honor of being on our television sets on a Monday Night (cc: Colts and Vikings)

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