It’s now September 12th and I don’t wanna talk directly about 9/11. I don’t wanna pay tribute or talk about how it changed my life. However I do wanna open the door to a bigger concept that we could all find ourselves in. If you lost your spouse in a catastrophic event, what it would it take for you to consider getting re-married?
Many of those firefighters’ wives and victims’ widows have done just that. In fact, last night 20/20 profiled Jennifer Gardner Trulson; a widow left with 2 young children to raise. She talks about how guarded she was in opening herself up to love again after her husband’s tragic death. Their relationship and her 2nd marriage is told in her new book, Where You Left Me
The hit show on FX, “Rescue Me”, also deals with this touchy subject. Main character and fictional FDNY survivor Tommy Gavin has a series-long sordid affair with his dead cousin’s wife. He catches a lot of hell and strong criticism from his firefighter bredren, as well as his own family.
What makes these people interesting is the fact that once the reporters stopped calling, they went back to being normal Americans. People with lonely hearts and empty beds. Some of them clung to each other out of empathy. Others moved on to someone that was the polar opposite of their lost loved one. Regardless of the “who”, the “what” and “why” are common principles any of us could be vulnerable to.
Earlier this year, I did an Examiner post on how a couple grieves through the loss of a young child. (which oddly enough had a 9/11 tie in) Statistically the loss of a child under the age of 18 is more likely to bring a couple closer together. When the time is right, the couple will decide to have another child. Is it to replace the child they lost? Of course not! They do it because eventually they realize that beyond grief, there’s still instances of happiness that await them. The same purpose can be applied to a grieving spouse that decides to move on.
I believe that you’re entitled to have more than 1 soulmate. Ironically death can sometimes be the great facilitator in you finding the road on which you’re supposed to be travelling.